Buried Resentment
by FanficFemale
Summary: Judai expresses a moment of resentment towards his friends. Takes place in Season Four Judai's POV.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yugioh GX plain and simple.

**Buried Resentment**

I quickly stopped as soon as I was close to the entrance of the gym. I could now hear all the loud sounds from the happenings of the special occasion going on inside. This however brought a slight frown on my face. I remember a time when I would happily be amongst the festivities and mingling, but now I have such a hard time participating in anything like that anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to participate in anything; otherwise I wouldn't even be standing here. The honest to goodness truth was that I did not actually want to face any of my friends.

I was still not ready to genially interact with any of them right now_._ I couldn't risk any major confrontation with them because the small yet strong feeling of bitterness inside me that I've been suppressing so far was threatening to burst out of me at any moment. If I had a conversation with any of those people right this second I'd probably end up saying something that I know I would never be able to take back. So I will just have to wait here for a while until I can successfully push it down far enough to the point that I will forget I even felt this way in the first place. After all, I've already done it several times around them before so what's one more time going to hurt?

"_I don't understand why you continue to keep your anger unbeknownst to them. If you ask me some of them need to be smacked right in the face with it."_

A light smile crept on my lips from hearing the snide comment from Yubel.

"_That __may __be __true, __but __we __both __know __that __none __of __them __are __ready __for __it. __They __still __live __in __their __own __words __and __letting __them __know __how __I __really __felt __could __break __them,__"_ I replied back firmly.

"_Yet __they __had __no __problem __crushing __yours,__"_ Yubel retorted with an edge of bitterness in her voice.

How could I respond to that when I knew she was right? Once again I felt that familiar animosity surge in me at the reminder of what they had done to me. As always when this unpleasant feeling sprouted, their words that they spoke during that tragic moment played over in my mind.

_Judai! You idiot! Didn't you come here with us to save Johan? But you acted on your own from the start and didn't care about us at all in the first place!_

But I did care. I've always cared for you all. If it wasn't Johan and any one of you I would have probably acted the same way. But the bottom line was that Johan was the one in true danger not you, so Manjoume what did you expect?

_No! You're the one who would do it! You always thought about yourself! It's us who were the fools who trusted you because of friendship!_

Again I never thought of myself. If I did then I wouldn't have been trying so hard to save Johan after all. And even if I made mistakes that shouldn't make you regret trusting me right? Isn't that what real friends are supposed to do, support each other when they mess up and need comfort the most? If anything I should be the one regretting to have faith that you would have my back no matter what.

_Aniki! Why do you mean to sacrifice us in order to save Freed's friends?_

Why assume the worst out of me? As long as you've known me you should have knew me better than that. Why would I even sacrifice friends for friends? Does that even make any sense?

_It's painful…This isn't only physical pain, but the pain whose spirit is betrayed by a friend!_

Yes, I know that pain all too well. You all betrayed me by not being a friend to me when I really needed you guys the most.

_I __have __to __carry __sadness __of __being __betrayed __by __you_.

I have to carry anger of being betrayed by you.

_Aniki…Aniki has been acting by yourself. Up till now, you've been like the sun, giving others strength and made impossibilities possible._

That was the problem. I'm not a god. I can't be perfect. I have faults. I was going to slipup sooner or later. You should have known that.

_But all of those are misunderstanding. Aniki is the type that is okay as long as you are alright. It doesn't matter who is sacrificed as long as it's good for the goal! _

Really, so the last two and a half years meant nothing to you? I had to risk my life and soul fighting the Shadow Riders to protect the Sacred Beast. I had to fight Saiou and the Light of Ruin to keep the world from being destroyed, I helped you build your self-confidence, and grow as a duelist. I supported you when you had to duel Hell Kaiser, your own brother. If all of that was selfish to you than I would really like to know what your definition of selfless is.

_Even if you can beat enemies, everyone who was sacrificed won't return! Aniki always duels for your own satisfaction! _

Again when did I duel for satisfaction? Most of the time I was dueling in order to save the world and even if I was dueling for myself it was to have fun. Seriously tell me what's so wrong about wanting to have fun playing a game you enjoy? Isn't that the whole point of playing games anyway?

Of course I knew better now. Dueling was much more than a game and I had finally learned to take it as seriously as I should. I've learned to think more before I act. I've learned that there was no more time to fool around anymore because other people's lives were at stake, including theirs. I've learned to take my responsibilities as whom and what I am more severely. So then why are you still so upset at me now?

_Judai, just like Kenzan-kun said…you've changed. You weren't this assertive _

Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that the jest of all the things you all said to me in Dark Work when you thought you were going to die? Didn't you want me to be more responsible when I act? Yet I'm trying to do just that and you still don't seem happy with me.

Will anything I ever do be enough for you? Will you always want more from me? Why isn't just being myself enough for any of you? Honestly, do any of you really know me at all? Do you even care enough to try to know me?

"_Now __if __only __you __would __say __all __of __that __out __loud __to __their __faces __you __could __finally __get __somewhere,__"_ Yubel added with a hint of irritation in her tone.

I sighed at this, I just couldn't do that. I don't have the heart to wound my friends the way they had me, even if it would be fair and they deserved it. I'm just not the type to get back at anyone like that.

"_Even __if __it __means __allowing __the __darkness __in __your __heart __to __remain?__"_ retorted Yubel with growing annoyance.

I frowned one again. I knew this wound inside of me would never go away until I showed it to them. The anger would always be there underneath the surface waiting to be finally released from its cage.

"_I __know __Yubel, __but __remember __that __that __darkness __is __not __the __only __thing __residing __in __my __heart. __There __is __something __else,__"_ I answered back as the frown on my face was being turned into its opposite.

That something else in my heart was so deep, powerful, and strong in me that I wasn't worried about my anger bursting out until the right time. It was that same something that helped me to move on despite the negative emotions in me. It was that same something that encouraged me to still help despite how I felt towards them. It was that same something that gave me the strength to fight for them despite all that has happened to me. It was that same something that motivated me to decide to come to this event in the first place.

"_My love for them will always be much greater than my resentment towards them."_

With that in mind, my spirits became lightened and the fiery had finally fully receded. I was now ready to walk in there and face them. What I hadn't been ready for was somehow ending up to be Asuka's partner for a Tag Team Duel Tournament the moment I walked in.

**A/N: Hope you readers found this interesting to read. I'm thinking about adding another chapter to this which would revolve around episodes 161-162. Let me know if you'd be interesting in that. **

**Thanks for reading!**


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